update

my fast lasted for 34 days, until i decided to start “eating” again. i didn’t ease back into as slowly as they say to. at the end i weighed about 84 or 86 lbs –i can’t remember exactly. i now weigh more like 93 and am on about a 95% raw foods diet, which i absolutely love.

i lost a lot of weight and gained some welcome clarity during the fast. i only told one person what i was doing, my friend who is a doctor. it’s strange to think i was so close to the 40 days and stopped short. i realized the biggest reason to finish would be to satisfy my ego and that continuing just for the sake of being able to say i’d done it was not going to be worth it. my body had shrunk down so much. i didn’t feel like losing any more weight would be healthy for me. i also wanted to start regaining some energy.

i didn’t write my blog a day like i said i would at the beginning, but somewhere along the way, the journey (rightfully) became much more about me and less about what others see of me. simply put, i didn’t want to write blogs so i didn’t.

i’ve spent almost every night after work for the past 3 weeks making raw/living foods. usually i go to bed around 3 or 4 am. my refrigerator and freezer are packed! some of the what i’ve been creating my own recipes for based on experimentation are:

• scones
• cinnamon rolls and frosting
• chocolate, pumpkin spice, and vanilla/almond granolas
• banana coconut ice cream
• fudge
• chocolate raspberry mini heart tortes
• kale chips
• daikon sour cream and onion chips
• zucchini pasta with mini meatballs
• coconut basil pesto
• hummus, 1000 island, sweet & sour sauce, spicy pickled relish
• sweet and spicy nut mix
• almond milk and rejuvelac
• mineral crisps, onion crisps, and flax crackers
• oraweo (the yummiest dessert that leaf restaurant makes)
• sesame cookies
• pumpkin pudding
• sweet potato and yam gnocchi
• lasagna
• breakfast toast
• banana chocolate fruit leather
• pumpkin/apple butter and miso butter
• lentil soup and lentil crisps
• spicy gazpacho
• tortilla chips
• onion rings
• candied eggplant and eggplant pasta
• jicama rice and jicama cheese
• sauerkraut and kim chee
• and more!

mac n cheese, tirawmisu, sushi, rice krispy-like treats, and baklava are some of the things on my list for next week — i have to think of a recipe for them first! i absolutely LOVE making raw food. it’s the thing i enjoy most in life right now.

perhaps i’ll post some pics and recipes later. feel free to message me if you have any questions about my fast or raw food. in the meantime, be well and be happy!

we create our own realities and our power is in the now.

Day 17: Picking Up – no, actually “Down” – St(r)eam

• Weight: 91.8 lbs
• Consumption: 2 kombuchas, 4 MC lemonades, 2 herbal detox teas
• Body:
  
• Mood: 9.5/10
• Exercise: –

I’ve been MIA for a few reasons. Slept more than 12 hours each day this weekend. Basically, I just woke up, read, fell asleep reading, and drank a little bit. No one’s visited the blog since I last wrote. I figured I’d stop writing altogether, but I feel inspired today.

Yesterday I left work before lunch. I felt nauseous all morning and finally threw up in the bathroom. I happened to have a phone interview scheduled during my lunch, so I did that from home. It went well. The HR woman was an absolute joy to talk to. I’m now writing a short creative piece as the next step in the hiring process.

Getting sick made me wonder if I should stop the fast early. Lately, I’ve been on what I’d planned as the 10-day master cleanse portion. I’m having kombuchas too though. Whatever I feel like I need. The master cleanse lemonade tastes a little too strong and drinking only kombucha is a little too intense. Water only just won’t cut it for me while working. Not for this fast anyway.

I remembered that during the master cleanse, you’re supposed to do what they call a “salt-water enema.” It’s drinking 2 tsp. of non-iodized sea salt in 1 quart of warm (purified) water–I think it’s an every-other-day thing? You have to be able to stay near a bathroom for at least 2 hours. I’d recommend longer.

Paul Bragg says you don’t need to worry about evacuation while you’re fasting, but I’ve been feeling the detox and what was probably a big back-up of toxins hanging out in my gut. After I got sick, I did the salt-water enema followed by a plain water enema via an enema bag that I had to hunt down at an obscure drug store. The one I found has a screw-in part that connects the tubing to the bag. I would not recommend this set-up if you can find the other kind. It makes it inconvenient to assemble and hard to pour (more) water in. It cost $11, which is about $7 more than I paid for the other kind (that you should get, pictured left). I think the price has more to do with buying them in different cities than anything else.

Anyway, I felt much better after throwing up, the enemas, and spending pretty much the rest of my night in the bathroom. It helped that I stopped by a Redbox on the way home and stocked up on mindless comedies: 17 Again, He’s Just Not That Into You, and Confessions of a Shopaholic. The last two were not great, but Confessions was cute. I’m going to watch 17 tonight after writing.

Management ordered pizza for lunch today as a way of luring us to stay and work through it. Part of me was jonesing for a piece, but not too terribly. I had the feeling I could just go take a bite (after 17 days of not any eating food) and it would be fine. For some reason, I’m sure this would’ve been the case–I’ve ended a 10-day fast with beer and chicken wings before with no problems except probably losing a bit of the benefits from fasting. BUT I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND THIS for anyone, unless you feel 100% okay with it. I haven’t done it since. It seemed too self-defeating. The discussion with my co-workers when I did go to lunch was almost totally devoted to restaurants. They told me about this brewery that has AMAZING nachos, and being a HUGE nachos fan, I wanted so badly to add trying them to my to-do (after the fast) list.  But I did also internally debate whether it will be worth it to diverge from my “all-raw” post-fast plan.

My attitude was great today, and it has been getting consistently better. What I read this weekend was Esther and Jerry Hicks’ new book, “The Vortex.” I’m attributing the mental and emotional changes in myself, which are now happening with ease and joy, to really digging in to the Hicks’ books. They come with audio CDs that are great to listen to first thing in the morning and on the drive to work. I was going to buy the book on Amazon, but I couldn’t wait! So I found one of the last copies at Borders after work on Friday.

I think that fasting has played a major role in “opening” me up to the information in the Abraham-Hicks books. I’ve read other books of theirs a few years ago (“The Law of Attraction” and “Ask and it is Given”), but wasn’t that impressed. During the fast, I’ve been super drawn to them–especially “Money and the Law of Attraction,” “The Astonishing Power of Emotions,” and “The Vortex”. AND I’M SO GLAD! I’m diligently following their advice about how to create what you want, and experiencing more and more joy each day! As the Hicks’ would say: going downstream rather than going against the flow!

I ordered 6 more raw cookbooks: RAWvolution: Gourmet Living Cuisine, Living Cuisine: The Art and Spirit of Raw Foods, Ani’s Raw Food Desserts: 85 Easy, Delectable Sweets and Treats, Living Raw Food: Get the Glow with More Recipes from Pure Food and Wine, The Art of Raw Living Food: Heal Yourself and the Planet with Eco-delicious Cuisine, Raw Food Quick & Easy: Over 100 Healthy Recipes Including Smoothies, Seasonal Salads, Dressings, Pates, Soups, Hearty Creations, Snacks, and Desserts. I previewed the last two when I was at Borders buying “The Vortex” and they looked awesome. I’ve checked out all the raw cookbooks that the L.A. and my current city libraries have and own five (so far.) I’m completely excited for them to arrive–Yes, that is a pic of raw food pizza. YUM!

Here’s a vid of Esther on the Vortex. Watch it when you get a chance! I gotta go write now (ha that made me chuckle :)). Peace, love, and abundance!

Day 11: It probably sucks to read a blog with no pics…

…but then again, no one’s really read my FAST 40 blog till today.  (Thanks, btw. It’ll get more interesting. I promise.) Coincidental because I was just thinking that I would stop writing today. but i actually do want to keep a record for myself…

• Weight: 92.4
• Consumption: 2 kombuchas, 3 MC lemonades
• Body: smaller than yesterday, loose skin not as loose
  
• Mood: 2 and 8.5/10
• Exercise: ran/walked

ok, making the transition to lower case and the master cleanse today–or tomorrow. i think i was detoxing too fast on the kombucha. it felt like a warmth / pressure in my gut and persistent, mild nausea. there were no drug stores around here where i could find an enema bag (sorry if that grosses you out). so today i bought some psyllium husk powder at the health food store and took a teaspon of it. it should definitely help!

my epiphany for today is that i’m not going to worry about what i think i SHOULD do. for example, i think i should put together some posts about books and other things that have been helpful to me re: fasting, diet, health, healing, etc. i’ve felt like i should be writing, or cleaning, or doing more than cruising through the day at work and coming home.

well, that’s just making me feel pressured and guilty. it’s not working. i decided to just do what i feel like doing, within reason. abraham hicks insists the most important thing to each of us is that we feel good. good! no more nagging myself or making to do lists, which i love, by the way.

i almost cried at work, i was feeling so frustrated with my job and physically weak too. what i have been noticing since yesterday is that it’s more easy to focus and concentrate. i’ve been whizzing through the workload with speed and efficiency. but i just couldn’t handle the office environment for some reason. i’d had the MC lemonade in the morning and felt great, but this was the afternoon. i drank a kombucha and ended up feeling better. also did an attitude adjustment though and made an online donation to http://www.TripuraFoundation.org. they take paypal. almost immediately afterward, i had renewed energy and was out of the emotional turmoil.

i came home and it was dark, but HAD to go on a run. i sat on a park bench, no laid on a bench and stared at the sky. i could’ve stayed there for hours but it was getting pretty cold. the stars and clouds and earth and sky made me feel differently. there’s a conference call meditation on friday for the full moon and relief in the philippines and other parts of the world. i’ll actually link stuff tomorrow. it’s organized by an amazing organization that i found out about in 2007. when i got home from the run, i unloaded the clean dishes that have been sitting in the dishwasher for the past 2+ weeks and re-loaded it.

another thing i noticed today is that the way i relate to people has softened. not as rushed or as “me” driven, less attached, more tolerant. i had a brief, but REAL conversation with a co-worker. it was about frozen Garden Burger BBQ ribs (which are beyond delicious!) but i was totally present. it was nice.

my mom emailed me about going to the doctor for test results and being told she didn’t have an appointment — for the second time. there’s a lump in her chest and something wrong somewhere else, they say. but they wouldn’t tell her anything and made an appt for her on Oct. 13, in addition to treating her not so politely. i called her right when i got off. for the first time, maybe ever, our conversation went smoothly. no awkwardness, subtle misunderstandings, lack of connection / interest, frustration, irritation. that was super nice.

my fixation on food has waned quite a bit. the idea of pizza or nachos or mashed potatoes doesn’t interest me anyore, and i’m glad. one last thing. i believe WHAT YOU THINK AND HOW YOU FEEL are far more important than what you do. something like 90 percent of our thoughts, or how we create our reality, is subconscious. i think fasting is something that helps us clear out blockages and imbalances and other junk so we can re-focus/center, and re-align ourselves with whatever our goals are.

it’s less “i’m fasting to lose weight or for a spiritual experience” and more like “this is what’s right for me now. i absolutely know and feel it.” to let go and allow. this is part of the reason i’m not telling people (i know) that i’m fasting. i’m not opposed to it, but it would have to be someone who’s genuinely interested. in his book, “fresh, the ultimate live cookbook,” Sergei Boutenko talks about discerning the level of interest in his friends who would ask him about his raw diet, and then only fully disclosing the details to those who were “dying to know.” it’s a great book so far. with a lot of yummy, easy-to-make raw-food recipes. also, it’s kind of like what i consider to be a very sage guideline of not giving unsolicited advice and opinions to people unless they ask you for them. torkom saraydian did a pretty bang-up job of exploring this in his books.

until today, i’ve been semi-censoring what i write. or just haven’t had anything to say. but i got a little encouraed when i saw that people had read some of my posts–it’s so on now! lol. fascinating pics and links to come in the future (as soon as i feel like it) : ) goodnight! ~ atma namaste

Day 10: Late Again (No, Not That!)

• Weight: 93.0
• Consumption: 3 kombuchas, 1 MC lemonade
• Body: feel better
  
• Mood: 7.5/10
• Exercise: –

(Written Sept. 30) Man. I was driving to work today (yesterday) and realized that I’ve been comparing this fast to prior ones. A lot. I guess it’s kind of like having expectations. Obviously, those expectations weren’t being met–how I feel, how much energy and motivation I have, what I weigh, what I’m thinking…

Realizing this was like having a weight lifted off my shoulders. The results I’ve had before are in the past.  I decided to leave them there and enjoy / experience whatever this is bringing.

Right now, that would still be not a lot of desire to write or, really, even to communicate with anyone. I know it’s nice to have pictures to look at and all that. More of that stuff to come. Oh! I also realized I don’t know how to tag a blog. Hm…

Day 9: Stagnation or Plateau ?

• Weight: 93.4
• Consumption: 3 kombuchas, 1 MC lemonade
• Body: eyes hurt, scalp is randomly flaking!, loose skin all over
  
• Mood: 7/10
• Exercise: –

I thought work wouldn’t be hard because it’s an office job and I don’t do much. But it’s been a little challenging. By now I was expecting to be in a perma-blissed out state, which is usually the case. But still getting minorly irritated and feeling drained throughout the day. Not a lot of motivation today.

The things that are different between this and other fasts for me are 1) I’m drinking way less water, 2) I’m working 8-hr days, 3) I’m not exercising daily. Well, I didn’t prepare in any way, shape, or form either. The Saturday before I had a beer and some junk food, but not much! I’m sorry. I’m not into writing much right now. Not thinking about food anymore. My body still has some hunger pangs though–also unusual. Blah 🙂

Day 8: Pretty Motivated

• Weight: 93.0
• Consumption: 2 kombuchas, 1 MC lemonade
• Body: thinning out
  
• Mood: 8/10
• Exercise: –

I got a lot done today. Cleaned the house, laundry, washed and detailed my car, errands, emails, and got everything together to apply for a job. Wanted to go for a hike, but decided to work on the job hunt instead. Oh! I also started meditating again yesterday, and did a nice one today.  It felt great.

I’m drinking a glass of Stanley Burroughs’ Master Cleanse “lemonade” drink. This is because: I want to fall asleep faster tonight, my body is a little hungry, I’ve been planning on 1/3 of the fast being the master cleanse anyway, and I think I’m losing weight too quickly.

To me, the body’s condition and proportions are far more important than weight. But I was surprised to have lost as much as I have at this juncture–some of it is probably because I was bloated from it being that time of the month when I started fasting.

Still have some laundry to fold before I go to bed. I’m going to start writing more in-depth about the fast and adding informational content this week (probably).

Was a little disappointed in the Season 1 finale of “True Blood.” I thought it went from being really engaging and original in episodes 1-11 to a tad pulpy and predictable. Or, from “I so want to watch the next episode now; I don’t know if I can wait” to “Why did I think this show was so good? I don’t know if I care about watching it again.” Seemed like a strange choice when the formula they had was working. Maybe it’ll be different next season, which I guess is already being aired? ~Peace

Day 7: Sleep, Finally

• Weight: –
• Consumption: 3 kombuchas
• Body: my arms are starting to look more defined, like they used to; my go-to, always fit well jeans are loose, lips not chapped anymore, skin still a little dry (it usually isn’t), scalp feels better, BM (before exercising)
  
• Mood: 7.5/10
• Exercise: walked

Normally, I exercise every day–walk, run, hike, jumprope, or yoga–but I haven’t done much for the last three weeks. Today I went on a walk so I’m starting a new category above. Felt good most of the day. Hungry and a little weak, at times.

For the past few days, I’ve been thinking that I could just go to the fridge (or get some take out) and take a delicious bite of something. Not that I have anything in the fridge besides 70 kombuchas and some apples. Definitely don’t want to, but it seems weird to be thinking of food this far into the fast. It’s usually not the case–persistent thoughts of food have been one of the signals that it’s time to start eating again. But, that’s after any cravings have already disappeared and then come back. This time they haven’t fully disappeared yet. It’s not a water-only fast, but even with the Master Cleanse or kombucha fasts the cravings usually disappear after the first few days.

The thing that’s been a little tough is that I’ve wanted to sleep, but haven’t been able to. Mentally tired, but physically wide awake. Until last night, the longest I’ve slept since Sunday (Day 1) was maybe 6 hrs. (For women, if you’re fasting during your period it can change things too, especially sleep and the speed of visible results in your body.) I finally got 8 hours of sleep last night. I know I needed them!

When I’m fasting or on a raw diet, I tend not to need as much sleep. Eating cooked food (along with a pretty healthy diet), I sleep an average of 7 hours a night. It’s much less with 100% raw food: as little as 3-4 hours a night with no napping and lots of energy / no physical exhaustion. Even though sometimes I let myself rest a lot during a fast, after an initial adjustment period, I usually end up sleeping less than 7 hours a night. It’s one of my favorite benefits of fasting / eating raw: more time to do things. More about this later.

Off to watch the final episodes of “True Blood” Season 1. ~ xoxo

Day 6: _______

• Weight: 96.4 (with clothes on)
• Consumption: 3 kombuchas. 1 herbal tea
• Body: eyes hurt
  
• Mood: 7.5/10

Don’t want to write today. Two quotes / ideas that have had a big impact on and improved my thinking this week:

Belief Code 21: Our belief in one force for everything that happens in the world, or two opposite and opposing forces–good and evil–plays out in our experience of life, health, relationships, and abundance.

— from a book I highly recommend–that I wish I had read much sooner-by Gregg Braden, “The Spontaneous Healing of Belief”

There’s an expression in the physical environment that you use to entertain each other. (it doesn’t serve you very well) that says, “I worry that I’ll go down to the dock, and that my ship will have already come and gone. I’ll miss my boat.” And we say, another boat, another boat, another boat. You have no idea how many boats are coming to your dock. It’s a steady stream, and it doesn’t matter how many of them you’ve missed. The only thing that matters is what are you doing right now in your vibration? And you can tell what you’re doing right now in your vibration by the way you feel.

–Sunday’s email quote of the day from Esther and Jerry Hicks, the people who started the mainstream Law of Attraction craze. Sign up, it’s well worth it! Abraham-Hicks

Day 5: Catch-up Time

• Weight: 97
• Consumption: 3 kombuchas, 1 herbal tea
• Body: slimming down some, slight nausea at work, minor headache at night
• Mood: 7.5/10 – woke up late but not stressed about getting to work on time, a little bored at work, more appreciative and tolerant of other people

Okay, so I haven’t felt like writing since Day 2. I’m going to go back and blog about Days 3 and 4 later. I’ve decided to start with the same format to keep track of changes in weight, my body and mood, and what I drank during the day. Either my computer or the Internet connection is being slow — it’s taking forever to type and correct mistakes, so this will probably be short. Actually, this will be it. Goodnight!

Day 4: A Breakthrough

• Weight: –
• Consumption: 3 kombuchas, 2 herbal teas
• Body: –
• Mood: 9/10 – the first appearance of the “natural bliss” that usually comes when I fast, aware of my thinking/attitude in a new way, clarity, calm

(Written on September 25 – Day 5) I was not at all tired when I went to bed around 2:00 a.m. I woke up happy to start the day. Was not hungry during the day, but didn’t feel like working. My eyes didn’t hurt, and I felt great for most of the day. I always forget how clear everything gets during a fast or a raw/living foods diet, and how awesome it feels. It’s like you never want life to feel any other way, so there’s no question in your mind that any perceived sacrifices of fasting and eating raw are well worth it. Some of the other benefits, like not needing to sleep as much and being naturally motivated, make me think that life will never be the same again.

When I came home, instead of leaving my things in the first place I put them, I automatically put everything away: the clothes I was wearing, my shoes, purse, books. I even cleaned out my purse and filed/painted my fingernails, which I’ve had it in mind to do for at least a month. The feeling is kind of like an instinct to keep my environment clean and tidy, which helps because it leaves time to focus on/do other things. Nice!